Its funny how this blogging thing has really stuck with me, I’m personally amazed I’m still doing it as I normally lose interest in doing stuff like this. The cool thing is I think that maybe this is reflective of quite a few changes in me over the past few years. I have somehow changed into this person who is actually commit to doing things I set out to do. I’m sure my girlfriend would argue that I’ve always been like that, and she may be right, but I think at the very least I have begun to believe in myself and perhaps its more my self image that’s improved rather than a physical change in my behaviour.
I wish I could figure out what exactly has triggered this psychological change in me. My Father seems to think it’s because I’ve just grown up or into myself, but I don’t know about that. I think it’s just think it’s because for the first time in my life I have taken control of what I’m doing (which might be what my dad meant). Up until about a year ago I have based most of my decisions on what I thought I was supposed to do, not what I really wanted to be doing. It’s actually quite funny to look back on it now because I didn’t even realise at the time that my choices weren’t my own, and really I was just doing what my family and society in general indirectly told me to do, go to school, get a good job etc etc.
Of course now that I feel I’m over the hurdle of “finding me” a new problem presents itself. Now I want to understand why I do the things that I do and how to change/control some of my less desirable qualities. The main problem I seem to have is looking after my physical self. In my mind I see this as a huge priority, to me your physical appearance is reflective of your inner self, and I really don’t feel that my current physical state reflects who I am or should I say who I’m becoming. Unfortunately for me somewhere in my subconscious my mind is telling not to worry about it which is causing me to not exercise, eat right, and generally look after myself like I was a few years ago.
So I’ve decided as part of this new addiction to blogging that I’m going to start a physical goals list for this year, and track my progress, writing each day about what I did to bring me closer to my goal, and anything that I feel has taking me further away from it. This is going to be a big challenge for me to stick to this, so it’s going to take some planning. The first thing on my goals list is to create a new page on this blog site which details my physical goals for 2004, my current physical specs, and a general plan of action. This page will be up by Friday 30th of April to give me a chance to get myself organised and maybe even find some help if I’m lucky.
So wish me luck, its going to be great, and hey, worst case I’ll learn something.